I know, I know!!! As a parent /carer, people saying this to me often led me to feeling more than a little frustrated!!! I remember thinking “I can’t even go to the loo in piece, how can I possibly find time for myself?”
Over time ( 15 years of being a parent) I have come to realise that “finding time for you” doesn’t actually mean the same to us as carers as it does for guardians of the neurotypical. There is no spa day or hen weekend. There are no romantic meals out for my hubby and I or sneaky child-free trips to London. This realisation , although it took a little while to grieve over, has freed us from the pressures of social norms.
Time for me can be watching a movie with the kids after school… even though the sink is full and the laundry is literally everywhere! Or perhaps painting something that fits my current mood. A lot of the time they are complete and utter failures, certainly not pieces I would be willing to share, but the process has cleared my head and given me space.
For our marriage, a firm bed time for the kids has saved us. We are not perfect, they are often up way too late watching yet another youtube life hack thingy 😉 but they know that we need to be left alone to just be adults. I am literally only talking about the hours between 9 and 11 BUT THAT 2 HOURS IS EVERYTHING!!!
Don’t worry about everyone else’s routine. Most people have NO IDEA about how testing being a full time carer can be. Let them do them and YOU DO YOU.
Oh and if all else fails… wine 😉
