Anxiety has ALWAYS been a part of my life. I know that mine stems from my own Autistic need for control to feel secure and my ADHD’s overactive mind often makes me feel like I am not good enough.
In my field I am hugely confident, but generally speaking I am anxious about pretty much everything else. This can be debilitating at times and I don’t mind sharing that I only manage so well as I have been successfully medicated for this for the last 14 years. Again, something that people still don’t like talking about!
However, my neurodivergent brain is always encouraging me to learn, and with my favourite topic in the whole world being the brain and its incredible psychology , I am usually never more than a couple of feet away from a psychology book!
Joshua and I have just returned from a short cruise ( adult time), and during our break I devoured the most remarkable book written by Dr. Lalitaa. It is entitled: “High functioning anxiety- a five step guide to calming the inner panic and thriving.”
With having anxiety myself and loving an autistic child with a PDA profile, it never hurts me to understand a little about the way our awesome brains do what they do, and this book delivered!
I soon realised that high functioning anxiety doesn’t seem to present like mine. When I am anxious, EVERYONE knows it. I am either playing the fool to lighten the mood, short tempered because I feel “out of control”, or very emotional. People with HFA are EPIC and wearing a mask, often smiling their widest when they are feeling at their worst!
They have a huge inner critic and are often telling themselves that they aren’t good enough, even when those around them think that they are doing well!
According to the book, the fear of “not being good enough” can push those with HFA to do all they can to excel, fearing judgement of failure. This is also the reason that they are so often “people pleasers” as they believe that saying “no” will lead to rejection.
This really hit me. I feel anxious because I have to say no to so many things to guard my mental health and reduce the risk of burnout; (I rarely socialise outside of my beautiful family). But, those with HFA are so concerned by and afraid of rejection or judgement that UNABLE to say “no thanks.”
This essentially means that you are slave to everyone else, with no ability to put your own needs, and that of your own children/partner before colleagues and friends.
Interestingly a person with HFA often doesn’t need validation from their children/partner as they KNOW that they are loved and so wont be rejected. Sadly this means they are often the ones that miss out on a lot of precious family time because HFA took over! This then creates guilt and then even more anxiety!
I can’t imagine how exhausting that must be!
So we have decided that we need to help.
Over the next few weeks we will be sharing lots of hints and tips on our socials, explaining how to support yourself or your loved ones who show the many signs of living with High functioning anxiety.
Please know that you are not alone!
There are therapists, Dr’s, Physiologists, pieces of literature, online info and so much support out there if you are able to ask.
Please remember to follow us on our TikTok page for support with this.