When your child is first diagnosed as autistic, it can really feel like the ground shifts beneath your feet. Even if you’ve known or suspected it for a while, hearing it be confirmed by a professional can bring a huge surge of emotions that don’t always make sense together.

For me as Archie’s mum I felt sheer relief of the conformation, after months of being gas lit and occasionally feeling like I had failed my son. He was only 3 yet I had felt like a lifetimes fight had been fought already. Yet for My husband there was fear, confusion and grief .

But, we both had endless hope—all of these feelings can all show up at once and still pop up even though he’s an adult now!

It’s completely “normal” for the whole family to have what we call a “wobble” during this time and in periods in life later too. You’re not just processing information; you’re adjusting expectations, rethinking your whole future, and figuring out how best to support your child into adulthood.

That’s a lot for anyone to carry, and it rarely settles overnight.

One of the most helpful perspectives we have found comes from neuroaffirming parenting approaches, our parenting style. The core idea is simple but powerful: your child doesn’t need to be “fixed”—they need to be understood, supported, and accepted as they are.

It’s also worth remembering that your child hasn’t suddenly changed because of a diagnosis—they’ve always been exactly who they are.

Autism isn’t something that appeared overnight; it’s simply a way your child’s brain has always worked. What the diagnosis gives you is language, understanding, and a clearer lens through which to see them. Instead of guessing or questioning, you now have a framework that can guide support, open doors to resources, and help others understand your child better too. For many families, having a name for it brings a sense of clarity and even relief—it shifts the focus from “what’s wrong?” to “what do they need?” and that’s a powerful, positive place to begin.

That said, true acceptance isn’t a switch you flip. It’s something that slowly grows over time and with effort and for us, therapy. You can understand the philosophy intellectually and still feel a sense of loss or uncertainty emotionally. That doesn’t make you a bad parent; it makes you a human one. Acceptance is a process, not a deadline.

It’s also important to say out loud that it’s okay to have sad days. I HAVE THEM REGUALLY! Even years down the line, those feelings resurface. You might find yourself wondering about the “what ifs” or feeling the weight of advocacy, appointments, or simply the extra layers of planning that your child might need. Having those moments doesn’t mean you don’t love or accept your child fully. It means you’re navigating a lifelong journey that includes both joy and challenge. Many parents, even 10 or 18 years in, will tell you that those waves still come and go.

What helps is giving yourself permission to feel the bad moments but without getting stuck there. Talk to someone you trust, whether that’s a partner, friend, or another parent who’s been through it. Connecting with others who understand can be incredibly grounding, especially when everything feels uncertain. That’s exactly why we are working hard to create the Awesome Archie community online! Try to focus on your child as an individual rather than a medical label ( although its important to own it)—what they enjoy, how they communicate, what makes them feel safe and happy. That shift in focus can gently move you from fear toward curiosity and connection.

It can also make a big difference to take things one step at a time. You don’t need to figure out your child’s entire future right now. Start with what helps today—routines, environments, and small adjustments that reduce the stresses for both of you. Learn about sensory needs, communication styles, and what regulation looks like for your child. And just as importantly, take care of yourself. Rest when you can, step away when you need to, and recognise that you’re doing something emotionally demanding.

ITS OK TO FEEL OVERWHELMED!!!!

Over time, we have found that what once felt overwhelming became more familiar, even empowering. We began to see our child more clearly, beyond the diagnosis, and buillt a life that works for OUR family.

The wobble doesn’t mean things are falling apart—it often means things are shifting into something new. And while that shift can be uncomfortable, it can also lead to a deeper kind of understanding, connection, and acceptance than you might have imagined at the start.

Firstly, I want to say sorry its been a minute! Over the past few weeks, things have been incredibly busy behind the scenes. We’ve been putting a lot of time, energy, and care into promoting Awesome Archie’s connection Club, supporting our families and schools, and making sure everything we offer and share continues to be meaningful, welcoming, and valuable for everyone involved.

Because of this, our usual updates and blog posts have taken a bit of a back seat but, here we are with some updates 🙂

The awesome news is that all this activity means that exciting things are happening, and we can’t wait to share more with you very soon. Thankyou for your patience, your support, and for being such an important part of the Awesome Archie community—it really does mean a lot.

https://www.facebook.com/reel/1453873796051777

So, here we go…

Herbie’s London Adventure – Stranger Things and Banksy

We’re really proud to share a very special milestone for our Herbie, who recently enjoyed an unforgettable trip to London as a reward for completing his MOCs. This was no small accomplishment—Herbie worked incredibly hard to achieve this, especially as he navigates the additional challenges that come with being autistic an learning in mainstream. His determination and resilience has been so inspirational and I am a very proud mum.

The trip itself was packed with amazing experiences. Herbie got to see a real-life Banksy artwork in situ, take in the incredible views from the London Eye, and enjoy the theatre production of Stranger Things—all moments that made the reward even more meaningful.

A huge thank you goes to his dad for accompanying him and supporting him every step of the way. Having that encouragement and reassurance made such a difference and helped turn this trip into a positive and memorable experience.

This wasn’t just a trip—it was a celebration of perseverance, courage, and achievement. We couldn’t be prouder of him.

• 

• 

• 

• 

The Beautiful Chaos of Everyday Life

Being a mum of four is busy in itself—but when two of your children are autistic, the day-to-day takes on a whole new level of planning, patience, and perseverance.

Most mornings start before the sun feels fully up. There are school runs to coordinate, routines to stick to, and the careful balancing act of making sure everyone is regulated, prepared, and supported for the day ahead. What might seem like a simple task—getting dressed, eating breakfast, leaving the house—can require extra time, understanding, and flexibility. Some mornings it is total carnage!

Then there’s the rest of life ticking along in the background. Meal prep, laundry, appointments, and somewhere in between, me trying to run a business and carve out a mini moment to breathe. It can feel relentless at times, like you’re constantly switching roles without ever fully stepping out of any of them. And yes—it’s hard. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too. The invisible load of thinking ahead, managing triggers, advocating, and making sure each child gets what they need can be exhausting.

But within all of that, there are positives—real, meaningful ones.

There’s a deep sense of connection that comes from truly understanding your children and seeing the world through their eyes. There are the small wins that feel huge (like Herbs in London) —moments of progress, confidence, or calm that others might overlook but mean everything to you. There’s resilience being built every single day, not just in your children, but in you too.

You learn to celebrate differently. You learn patience in a way you never expected. And you begin to see that success doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s version—it can be quieter, more personal, but just as powerful. It’s AWESOME!

It’s not in anyway a perfect balance. Some days feel like I am living in survival mode. But even on those days, there is love, there is growth, and there is a strength you didn’t know you had.

And sometimes, that’s more than enough.

https://www.facebook.com/reel/968199308927929

There’s a version of parenting that most people recognise. The age old TV family. It’s busy, loud, sometimes chaotic—but familiar. 18 summer…all that jazz!

Then there’s the version that happens maybe more quietly, behind closed doors, where the real work isn’t just what you do, but what you are constantly holding in your overwhelmed mind.

This is MY parenting journey and has been for the last 18 years.

Caring for my two autistic children (with another two beautiful kids too) isn’t just a physical role. It’s a relentless, invisible mental load that NEVER switches off. It’s there when you wake up, when you try to rest, and even when things look “fine” from the outside.

The mental load starts before the day even begins. You’re already mapping it out:
What will they eat? What can they eat today? Will there be traffic? Will the WIFI drop out?
Are their clothes going to feel okay, or will that trigger distress?
What’s happening at school / specialist sixth form—are there changes, supply staff, unexpected events?
How do you prepare them without overwhelming them?

Every small decision carries weight because every small thing matters massively.

Getting ready for school isn’t just getting ready. It’s negotiation without demand placement, emotional regulation, sensory management, and contingency planning all at once. It’s knowing that a simple request—“put your shoes on”—might not be simple at all. It might be the moment that everything tips into total chaos.

You learn to read signals that others don’t see. A tone shift. A hesitation. The way they move through a room. You’re constantly scanning, adjusting, preventing. Not because you want to control everything—but because you’re trying to hold things together because you know the result if things go wrong.

And you carry it all in your head, alone, relentlessly and with no one else feeling what you feel and when.

Then there’s the hospital appointments. Forms. Waiting lists. Referrals. Meetings where you have to explain your child from scratch, over and over again. Dealing with inconsiderate people and avoiding lashing out at someone who has insulted your child for just being them!

Translating their needs into words professionals and family members will understand. Fighting to be heard, but doing it calmly, constructively, persistently—because that’s what gets results.

At the same time, you’re managing the emotional world of two children who experience things VERY differently. Supporting them through overwhelm, anxiety, sensory discomfort, and moments they can’t yet make sense of themselves.

There’s no clocking out for me and I’m neurodivergent too! I AM ALWAYS EXHAUSTED!

Even in the quieter moments, your brain doesn’t rest. You’re replaying the day. What worked? What didn’t? What could I do differently tomorrow? You’re planning three steps ahead because you’ve learned that being unprepared has a cost.

And then there’s the guilt. The constant questioning. Did I push too much? Did I not push enough? Am I meeting ALL of my childrens needs equally? Am I missing something?

It’s heavy—because you LOVE your children. Deeply, fiercely, relentlessly.

Now for me, what makes it harder is how invisible it all is. From the outside, people might see a parent managing, coping, even doing well. They don’t see the mental tabs open all day long. They don’t feel the weight of holding two entirely different sets of needs, triggers, and supports in your mind at all times.

They don’t see how tired you are. How much you cry. How scared for the future you are.

But within that weight, there is also something else.

A depth of understanding. An ability to adapt. A level of advocacy most people never have to develop.

You become fluent in your children—their cues, their needs, their ways of experiencing the world. You learn to celebrate things others might overlook. A smoother morning. A moment of calm. A small win that took enormous effort to achieve.

The invisible weight doesn’t go away. But you carry it because they matter. And while the world may not always see it, that doesn’t make it any less real.

However, being a parent to all of our children has taught me a kind of strength I didn’t know I had. I choose every day to stay positive, not because it’s easy, but because my children deserve a parent who sees their potential before their challenges.

I prioritise my wellbeing and theirs above everything else, even when others don’t understand or agree, because I know that showing up fully for them matters more than meeting outside expectations.

There are days I feel completely exhausted, stretched thin in ways few people see, yet that exhaustion sits alongside a deep resilience. I keep going, advocating, learning, and pushing forward—not perfectly, but relentlessly—because my children deserve a voice, support, and a world that makes space for who they are.

If you’re living this too—you’re not alone. I SEE YOUR INVISIBLE LOAD!

Celebrating neurodiversity this Autism Awareness, Acceptance & Celebration Month!

Today feels like the perfect moment to share something we’ve been co- producing with enormous care, creativity, lived experience and a whole lot of heart…

We are SO excited to officially launch our brand-new school program: Awesome Archies Connection Club!

And what better time to announce it than during Autism Awareness, Acceptance and Celebration Month — a time dedicated not just to understanding neurodivergence, but truly embracing and celebrating it.

---

So… what is Awesome Archies Connection Club?

Awesome Archies Connection Club is a lunchtime, school-based program designed to support neurodivergent pupils in building meaningful connections, developing confidence, and feeling genuinely understood.

It’s about creating a safe, inclusive space where pupils can:

Through structured yet flexible sessions, the club blends creativity, communication activities, and connection-building experiences that meet pupils exactly where they are.

---

Tried, tested… and truly AWESOME

This isn’t just a brand-new idea — it’s a program that’s already been making a huge difference.

We’ve been trialling Awesome Archies Connection Club over the past school year, and the results have been incredible:

The feedback from both staff and pupils?
Let’s just say the word “awesome” came up a lot… 😊

---

Why it matters for neurodivergent pupils

Traditional schoolplaytimes don’t always meet the needs of neurodivergent pupils — especially when it comes to social connection and emotional expression.

That’s where Awesome Archies Connection Club makes a real difference.

It supports neurodivergent pupils by:

Because every child deserves to feel seen, valued, and connected — exactly as they are.

---

More than a program — it’s a celebration

Awesome Archies Connection Club isn’t just about support… it’s about celebration.

Celebrating:

Because neurodiversity isn’t something to be hidden — it’s something to be embraced.

---

So… Ready to bring Awesome Archies Connection Club to your school/ Club /Organisation?

We’re so proud of what this program has become, and we can’t wait to see it make an impact in even more schools. If you’re looking to create a more inclusive, supportive environment for your pupils, Awesome Archies Connection Club is ready for you.

Available now via the Neurocreative Media website ⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇

https://www.neurocreativemedia.co.uk/

---

This Autism Awareness Month, let’s move beyond awareness.

Let’s build understanding.
Let’s create spaces that work for all minds.
Let’s celebrate every child’s way of being.

And most importantly…
Let’s help every pupil feel like they truly belong. 💛

---

Welcome to Awesome Archies Connection Club — where connection is built, confidence grows, and every mind matters.

If you, like me, are raising a neurodivergent child, then you will have had a moment ( or a few) many parents know all too well. You’re in the supermarket, a café, a playground, or the school gates. Your child might be overwhelmed, stimming, moving differently, talking loudly, or struggling with something that other kids seem to handle easily. And then you feel it!

The looks. The whispers. The pause in someone’s conversation. HORRID!

Whether anyone actually says anything or not, you suddenly feel like you’re being watched, Judged and evaluated. You might find yourself thinking:

What do they think of my child?
Do they think I’m a bad parent?
Do they think my child is just naughty?

And in that moment, it can feel incredibly uncomfortable, sometimes embarrassing and always exhausting. But here’s something super important for you to remember:

Your child’s right to exist freely in the world should ALWAYS matter more than a stranger’s opinion.

I know its easier said than done so I thought I’d share some psychological reasons as to why so many people seem to struggle with this and explore why we care so much about public perception—and how we can start letting it go. We need to , FOR OUR KIDS!

---

Why Do We Care So Much About What Strangers Think?

Many parents feel guilty for worrying about public opinion, but it’s actually a very human response. There are deep emotional reasons behind it. Firstly, we carry our own childhood experiences. For you, raising a neurodivergent child may brings up memories of your own childhood.

Maybe you were told you were:

Maybe you were misunderstood by teachers or criticised by adults around you. If you grew up feeling judged or rejected, it can create a strong desire to avoid that same feeling as an adult. So when someone looks disapprovingly at your child, it can trigger something deeper. Suddenly it’s not just about the moment happening now — it’s about old feelings of being criticised, misunderstood, or feeling not good enough yourself.

---

Modern parenting also comes with a huge amount of unwanted and unneeded public scrutiny.

People often assume that a child’s behaviour is a direct reflection of their parenting. So if a child struggles in public, the immediate assumption from outsiders can be:

“That child needs discipline.” “That parent can’t control their child.” “They should be stricter.”

What people rarely consider is that behaviour comes from communication, overwhelm, sensory processing, anxiety, or neurodivergence. None of which are your child’s or your fault! But when society pushes the idea that “good parents raise well-behaved children,” it’s easy to internalise that pressure.

---

Often I think worrying about public opinion actually comes from love. Parents worry that if their child stands out, they might face bullying, exclusion, misunderstanding and unfair labels so you sometimes try to minimise children in public spaces.

Years ago I did it myself, I asked our child to stop stimming, sit still, stay quiet, or behave in ways that feel more socially acceptable. PLEASE DON’T, I REGRET IT ,THEY DON’T DESERVE IT, THEY ARE AWESOME AS THEY ARE!

The sad truth is that many neurodivergent children spend huge parts of their day already adapting themselves to try to fit into a world designed for neurotypical people. They deserve spaces where they can simply be themselves without shame or masking and thats our job as parents to provide that! If we seemed ashamed of them, they will feel that, then they have NOWHERE to just be them.

---

Parenting Can Shake Our Confidence

Parenting a neurodivergent child often involves navigating systems that don’t always understand them.

Parents may face teachers questioning their parenting, professionals dismissing concerns, family members offering unhelpful or inappropriate advice, other parents making assumptions etc etc.

Over time, these experiences slowly chip away at our confidence and when our confidence feels fragile, the opinions of strangers can suddenly feel much bigger than they actually are.

When we as parents feel constantly worried about how others seeour child, it can change how we as families move through the world.

You might find yourself avoiding busy places, leaving situations early, apologising constantly. But neurodivergent children deserve to experience the world too.

When we slowly release the pressure of public approval, it creates more space for children to grow confidently.

---

How to Stop Letting Public Opinion Control You?

This is a MASSIVE question but here we go 🙂

Firstly, accept that changing your mindset doesn’t happen overnight. But small shifts can make a big difference. Reframe in your mind your childs ” naughtiness” and see it for what it is … COMMUNICATION. They are trying to tell you something so listen.

Remember the stranger staring at your child in the queue knows absolutely nothing about your life. They don’t know your child’s neurological profile, the challenges they face daily, the effort it took just to leave the house, the progress your child has made, the support strategies you already use etc.

Their opinion is based on a few seconds of observation, not real understanding and reminding yourself that makes it far less valuable than it might feel in the moment. THEY DONT MATTER, YOUR CHILD DOES!

When difficult moments happen in public, try asking yourself one simple question:

Who needs my attention more right now — my child or the people watching?

Your child needs support, understanding, and reassurance. The public simply happens to be nearby.

---

Find Other Parents And Groups Who Understand….like us!

One of the most powerful ways to reduce shame is connection. Thats literally why we do what we do. When you talk to other parents raising neurodivergent children, you quickly realise that many of the experiences you’ve had are shared. Suddenly the things that once felt embarrassing start to feel normal. Community can replace shame with understanding.

But Here’s The Harsh Truth..

There will always be people with opinions. But those opinions do not define your child, your parenting, or your family. When you feel the weight of public judgment creeping in, remember this:

The opinions of strangers should always matter less than your child being free to be themselves.

Because one day your child won’t remember the looks from strangers but they will remember whether they were accepted exactly as they are by their parent!

Mother’s Day is so often painted as a perfect picture. Flowers, breakfast in bed, handmade cards, smiling and content photos on social media and messages about how lucky we are to be mums and for many people, it really is a joyful day.

But for others, it’s alot more complicated and sometimes, like for me this week,it’s just really hard.

The truth is that not everyone can celebrate Mother’s Day in the same way — and that’s completely okay. Being a parent carer is the greatest blessing of my life. The love I have for my children is deeper than anything I could have ever imagined. The kids has shaped who I am, taught me strength I didn’t know I had, and given my life a purpose that goes far beyond the everyday. But being a parent carer is NEVER easy.

When you are raising a child who will always need you, motherhood looks different. The journey isn’t the one people often talk about. You hear the phrase a lot in parenting circles — “you only get 18 summers.” The idea that childhood is short, that eventually children grow up, move out and create lives of their own.

For many parent carers like us, that simply isn’t the reality. Motherhood becomes something lifelong in a very different way. There isn’t an “empty nest” waiting at the end. There isn’t always that gradual independence people expect. Instead, there’s a future that continues to revolve around caring, advocating, protecting and supporting and while that brings so much love and meaning, it also changes the shape of motherhood in ways people don’t always understand.

Mother’s Day can also be difficult for other reasons. Losing my own mum has made the day feel different. She was the person who taught me what love looks like, who guided me through life and helped shape the mother I am today. When someone like that is no longer here, days like Mother’s Day carry a quiet sadness alongside everything else. It becomes a reminder of what’s missing as.

That’s why it’s so important to give yourself grace on days like this. If Mother’s Day feels joyful to you, celebrate it. Embrace it. Enjoy the flowers, the cards, the appreciation. But if it feels complicated, emotional or even painful, you are allowed to step away from it. You don’t have to celebrate it in the way the world tells you to. You can mark the day quietly.

You can spend it remembering someone you love. You can make it a normal day. Or you can ignore it altogether. There is no right or wrong way.

Mother’s Day can also bring unrealistic comparison. Social media can make it look like everyone else is having a perfect day filled with appreciation and happiness. But motherhood isn’t one-size-fits-all. Every motherhood journey is different. Some mums are carers. Some are navigating grief. Some are holding families together through challenges nobody else sees and comparing your journey to someone else’s will only ever make it harder.

Your motherhood story is uniquely yours, and it deserves to be honoured in its own way. Mother’s Day can also be a chance to recognise that “mothering” doesn’t only belong to those with that title. There are so many incredible people who nurture, guide and support others every day. Grandmothers. Step-mums. Aunties. Foster carers. Friends. Teachers. Women or female energies who show up with love, patience and care in ways that change lives.

So if Mother’s Day feels like something you want to celebrate, do it in whatever way feels right for you. And if it doesn’t, that’s okay too. Give yourself the space to feel whatever you feel. Give yourself the grace to do the day your way. Because motherhood — in all its different forms — is something that deserves compassion, understanding and respect every single day of the year.

Who We Are and Why We Do What We Do

If you’re new here, hello and welcome! We’re so happy you’ve found us. Whether you’ve discovered us through our books, our school clubs, or our community work, you’re now part of the Awesome Archie family.

So let’s start with the big question…

Who are we? 🤔

Awesome Archie is a non-profit created by me, Rebecca and Archie ( one of my four children) with one simple goal: helping neurodivergent young people feel supported, confident, and understood.

What began as a small idea back in 2020, has grown into something really special. We’ve built a space where children and young people can talk about their feelings, support each other, and learn that it’s okay to ask for help.

Because sometimes the most powerful thing a young person can hear is:
“You’re not alone.”

Why we do what we do 💛

We know growing up isn’t always easy. School, friendships, emotions, and life can feel overwhelming sometimes.

That’s why Awesome Archie exists.

We want to help children:

Everything we create—from our stories to our clubs—is designed to help young people feel a little bit stronger and a lot less alone.

Our books 📚

One of the ways we share our message is through our Awesome Archie KS1 and 2 book series that are donated to schools, clubs and hospitals.

These stories follow Archie through everyday adventures that many children can relate to. Along the way, readers explore emotions, friendships, challenges, and ways to handle tricky situations.

The books are fun, friendly, and full of heart. They help start important conversations in a way that feels safe and easy for children to understand.

And honestly… we love hearing when a child says,
“That’s exactly how I feel!”

Supporting our community

Awesome Archie isn’t just about books—it’s about building a supportive community.

We work with families, schools, charities and communities to create spaces where young people feel comfortable talking about what’s going on in their lives.

Sometimes that support comes through lunchtime clubs or activities. Sometimes it’s through conversations. And sometimes it’s simply reminding young people that someone cares by sharing our journey online.

Creating Awesome Archie school clubs

One of our favourite things we do is helping schools create neuroaffirming lunch clubs like ” awesome Archie’s Connection Club. A program that we have been trialing this academic year and that will be available for schools to purchase through our sister company , Neurocreative Media after its official launch in April 2026.

This Program give students a safe and welcoming place to:

They’re relaxed, fun spaces where kids can talk, laugh, share ideas, and learn that kindness and support really matter.

The power of peer support

We also believe strongly in Autism peer support.

Autistic young people often feel more comfortable opening up to others their own age. When students learn how to support each other, it creates stronger friendships and healthier school environments.

It’s amazing to see what happens when kids realise they can help lift each other up.

Our journey is just beginning

What started with Just Archie and I in our conservatory has grown into something much bigger than we could have ever imagined but the heart of Awesome Archie hasn’t everchanged. It’s still about creating spaces where young people feel safe, supported, and empowered to be themselves.

To everyone who has joined us on this journey—thank you. And to our new readers and followers…

Welcome to Awesome Archie Non Profit. We’re really glad you’re here. 💛

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

Autism peer support doesn’t have one fixed shape. It isn’t a checklist or a scripted conversation. At its heart, it’s about connection — one neurodivergent-informed human sitting alongside another and saying, “You’re not alone in this.”

Peer support can look like many different things:

Sometimes it’s practical. Sometimes it’s emotional. Sometimes it’s just quiet presence.

What I’ve learned is that autism peer support is invaluable because it offers something that traditional services don’t always provide — lived understanding. There’s a difference between professional knowledge and lived insight. When someone feels truly understood without needing to over-explain themselves, walls come down, shame reduces and confidence grows.

Peer support validates experience.

It says: “your struggles make sense, your strengths matter and your neurotype is valid.

But I’ve also learned that the value doesn’t come from having all the answers, thank God for that! .It comes from listening well, staying curious, recognising that even if we share diagnoses or similarities, each person’s experience is uniquely their own.

Autism peer support can:

That’s incredibly powerful!!

Because of how meaningful this work is, I’ve created some free, screenshot-able/ downloadable resources for those of you working in peer support roles. They’re simple, practical visuals designed to support introductions, clarify boundaries, and help build trust from the start. Sometimes having something visual and easy to share can make conversations feel less intimidating and more structured.

Peer support isn’t about “fixing” people, It’s about empowering them!!

And when done with warmth, professionalism, and respect, it truly can be life-changing — for the peer and the support worker alike.

Every child is unique, but our 3rd son Herbie has shown us just how different—and wonderful—communication can be when it’s grounded in understanding, patience, and compassion. Herbie has a diagnosis of Aurism and ADHD and has a PDA profile — a way of being in the world that means everyday demands can feel overwhelming, threatening, or impossible rather than simply annoying or inconvenient.

One of the biggest shifts in our family life has been learning what PDA actually is, and how something as simple as the words we use can make all the difference.

---

So What is PDA ? How is it for Herbie)?

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a profile of autism characterised by extreme resistance to everyday demands and expectations — not because a child is defiant or “chooses not to comply,” but because their nervous system interprets demands as threats. The moment a demand is felt, it can trigger anxiety, overwhelm or shutdown. Even with percieved or silent demands.

Importantly, PDA has nothing to do with wilfulness or lack of discipline from ” weak parenting”. When someone like Herbie with a PDA profile avoids something — even something they genuinely want — their body and nervous system are reacting as if they’re under threat. This isn’t bad behaviour, it’s a nervous system response — a survival instinct, not a choice. ITS PAINFUL for him at times!

Dr Naomi Fisher, a clinical psychologist who works with children and adults with PDA, talks about this extensively. She explains that what looks like avoiding tasks, controlling behaviour, or saying “no” repeatedly is actually a logical response to anxiety. The more a child perceives control or pressure — even indirect pressure — the more their nervous system goes into survival mode, making demands feel intolerable.

In her words, PDA isn’t something to be “fixed”; it’s a profile that needs to be understood. For Herbie, this insight has transformed the way we parent, communicate, and support him.

---

What is Declarative Language — and Why It Matters

One of the most powerful tools we learned about on our PDA journey is declarative language.

🔹 Imperative language vs Declarative language

Imperative language is directive — it gives instructions, expectations, or demands. For a child with PDA, even gentle-sounding requests can feel like commands demanding compliance:
👉 “Put on your shoes.”
👉 “Time to brush your teeth.”
👉 “You have to get ready for bed now.”

Even when meant kindly, these can trigger anxiety, overwhelm, resistance or shutdown because they feel like pressure to comply.

Declarative language, on the other hand, shares information without asking for compliance. It invites awareness, reflection or choice, but doesn’t carry the psychological “threat” of a demand. Declarative language helps a child feel safe and competent rather than cornered.

📌 Examples of Declarative Language

Here are some real-world examples:

Declarative language doesn’t demand anything — it shares something and this subtle shift can reduce pressure and give children like Herbie space to respond on their own terms.

---

Why This Works

When we use declarative language, we are:

✔ Reducing psychological pressure
✔ Increasing autonomy and safety
✔ Lessening defensive reactions
✔ Supporting regulation of the nervous system

For a child whose nervous system is highly sensitive to perceived demands, this can mean the difference between shutdown and engagement. This isn’t about permissiveness or letting a child “rule the house”; it’s about meeting them where they are neurobiologically.

Dr Naomi Fisher emphasises that behaviours like avoiding demands, withdrawing, negotiating or saying “no” are responses rooted in anxiety and survival, not behaviour that’s chosen or manipulative. When we understand that, everything changes.

---

What We’ve Learned from Herbie

Herbie has taught us that:

❤️ His resistance isn’t willful — it’s a nervous system response.
❤️ When he feels less pressured, he stays calmer, more engaged, and more willing to participate.
❤️ Using declarative language doesn’t magically make demands disappear — but it reduces the fight-or-flight reaction that used to turn every tiny request into a battle.

We don’t have perfect days. But understanding PDA through the lens of nervous system regulation, and communicating through declarative language, has brought trust, connection, and peace into our home.

---

Supporting a child with a PDA profile means rethinking what “communication” and “compliance” really mean. It’s not about parental control — it’s about love, connection, safety, and collaboration. When we let go of the notion that our children are being difficult on purpose, space opens up for understanding, confidence, and joy.

If you’re walking a similar path with your child, know this: the words we choose matter — not because they control behaviour, but because they shape experience.

© 2026 Awesome Archie Non-Profit. All writing and images are owned and protected. Unauthorized use is prohibited.

First of all — a huge sorry for the delay in getting this blog out. The last few weeks have been a complete whirlwind BUT in the best possible way. Between events, planning, meetings, and a mountain of behind-the-scenes work, the days have just flown by. It’s been busy, exciting, a little bit chaotic… but totally worth it.

Now that things have settled just enough to catch a breath, it feels like the perfect moment to share everything that’s been happening at team Awesome Archie.

---

Awesome Archie proudly supports the UHD Charity & the “Do IT for the Kids” Campaign.

One of the biggest highlights recently has been Awesome Archie stepping up to support the brand-new fundraising campaign, “Do IoT for the Kids.” This initiative, created by the brilliant UHD Charity, aims to stock its new children’s ward with sensory toys, artwork and activities to make young people’s experiences more positive. The new unit will be opening in Royal Bournemouth Hospital’s BEACH Building this summer, but additional items are not covered by government funding. We have the “beautiful cake… but now we need the sprinkles” 😉

The official launch was nothing short of magical — a Mad Hatters Tea Party that perfectly captured the creativity and imagination behind the campaign. From colourful decorations to playful themes and smiling faces everywhere, the event set exactly the right tone: fun, inclusive, and full of hope for the future.

Why This Campaign Matters So Much

“Do IT for the Kids” isn’t just another fundraiser — it’s about opening doors. Technology is shaping the world faster than ever, and access to digital tools and learning can make a life-changing difference. By supporting this campaign, we’re not only raising funds; we’re helping build confidence, skills, and futures. Kids need education and play, it’s their lawful right, so we are supporting the fundraising efforts. We aim to help raise £350.000 but we can only do this with YOUR HELP!

We are so PROUD and greatful to be able to support this AWESOME cause!

more deets here… https://www.uhdcharity.org/kids/

---

The “Day Job” I Truly Love

Alongside all the excitement of events and campaigns, I’ve also been fully immersed in my day job — working as a consultant ( current role is in tech support) for IMROC — and I honestly couldn’t be more grateful. It’s one of those roles that constantly challenges me but i LOVE IT! Every single day brings something new to learn, a new problem to solve, or a new awesome person to connect with.

What I love most is the people that I get to interact with. I’ve had the chance to meet some truly amazing individuals — passionate, driven, and endlessly supportive. There’s something super fulfilling about being able to help others but while being helped too!

I genuinely feel very lucky to be in a position where I’m learning every day while also feeling valued and useful. Not everyone gets to say they enjoy their day job, so I will never take that for granted.

---

And Lastly- A Week of Just Being Mum 😍

After all the busyness, I’m really looking forward a whole week dedicated to just being a Mum. No big launches, no packed schedules, no rushing around… just slowing down and enjoying the everyday moments.

The plan? Plenty of chilling, movie nights under blankets, maybe a cheeky takeaway or two, and yes — the inevitable cleaning days for me… blurrrggh. But even the boring loo cleaning bits have their place. For me there is so much comfort in our private, gentle routine and a kind of peace in doingnothing with the people who matter most….our awesome kids 🙂

.

And finally, a massive thank you to everyone who continues to support, encourage, and cheer from the sidelines. Whether it’s through kind messages, shares, follows or simply taking the time to read these updates — it truly means more than you know. Here’s to balance, gratitude, and whatever exciting (or relaxing!) weeks come next.