This last week has been nothing short of incredible, filled with massive milestones, long awaited achievements, and heartwarming moments that have left us feeling both grateful and hopeful for the future. The last 6 months have not been plain sailing by any stretch but we are finishing the final push of the summer term on a real high and let me tell you, we are ready for a break!

---

A Transformative Visit to the Autism & ADHD Show

Last weekend we had the privilege of attending the Autism & ADHD Show in London, and what an experience it was! Archie and I are not able to host an exhibition yet, as much as I would LOVE to, its way too much for Archie. Instead, we talk to exhibitors, listen to industry expert speakers and create content that will hopefully support our awesome families. The event was a treasure trove of information, support, and inspiration for families like ours. We explored innovative tools, therapies, and resources that promise to make a difference in the lives of neurodivergent individuals. This is definitely my happy place 🙂

The highlight for us was connecting with experts and fellow parents who truly understand the challenges and triumphs of raising a child with unique needs. Their insights were invaluable, and we left the event with renewed energy and ideas to support Archie and Herbie on their journey. Massive thanks to Dr Naomi Fisher who has armed us with an immense amount of support knowledge in the wonderful world of demand avoidance. We will be blogging a lot about this over the summer hols so do follow along.

• 

• 

• 

• 

---

@awesomearchie_

Autism and ADHD show. We got to check out the senso cube 😍@Creative Activity #london #parents #teachers #advocate #parentsontiktok #neurodivergent #autism #mentalhealth #fy #fyp #pda Thanks so much to Dean for taking the time to talk to us.

♬ Soft, slow, cinematic background.(1302336) – Art Music Style

Winning our Appeal: A Victory for Archie.

One of the most challenging aspects of our family and educational journey has been fighting for Archie’s education and ensuring his needs are met. This is genuinely a full time job and so often you feel like you are going unheard. We know that most parents with neurodivergent children will have already, or will in the future, experience this. NOTHING is given on a platter and you have to advocate and push to know that your child is receiving the correct level of support for them. Happily after almost 7 months of persistence and determination, we are thrilled to share that we won our appeal!

This victory means that Archie has been accepted into a new school that is tailored to his needs, where he’ll receive the specialized support and nurturing environment he truly deserves. Knowing that he’ll have the tools and guidance to thrive has lifted an enormous weight off our shoulders. We can, for a little while at least…rest!

---

None of this would have been possible without the incredible support system we’ve had throughout this process. To every friend, family member, professional, and organization that stood by us: thank you from the bottom of our hearts. WE DID IT!!!!

Your encouragement gave us the strength to keep pushing forward, even when the path seemed uncertain. From attending endless legal meetings and writing letters to simply lending an ear when we needed it most, your kindess has made a lasting impact on our family.

---

As we celebrate these milestones, we’re also looking to the future with optimism. The Autism & ADHD Show gave us new tools and strategies, and Archie’s new school marks the start of a brighter chapter.

We hope our journey inspires others to never give up, to seek out the right resources, and to lean on their community for support. Together, we can create a world where every child has the opportunity to shine.

Thank you for being part of our story. Here’s to the next chapter in Archie’s journey!

---

Lastly, Our Awesome Handbook

“The Awesome Handbook” is our latest book created as resource to help support neurodivergent families—especially those navigating PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), autism, and ADHD.

It is a deliberately “back to basics” overview for school staff and parents who are at the start of their learning journey or need a refresher. We have taken a lot of time to ensure that the fundamentals, basics and commonalities found in the DSM-5 criteria is adressed

( so many have no idea what that is….why would you unless you need to?)

In essence, the Awesome Handbook is not a conventional handbook you’d buy, but rather:

If you’re interested in getting involved, learning more, or supporting our work, the site and social accounts (Instagram @awesome_archie_official, etc.) are great places to start and if you would like to purchase this book click here ⬇

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/365697725527

This “PDA” post has been in the working stages for the last three years. The reason for this is because every time I try to write it , I learn a new fact or face a new challenge and of course we ALWAYS want to share the most accurate and most helpful information with you.

It’s taken me 3 years to accept that is no right or final answer. Supporting a child with a PDA profile is a never ending learning curve, one that has wonderful highs but also extremely painful lows. This post aims to share with you what is working for US in this moment in time! We can’t promise that everything will work in your family dynamic or school, but it’s worth a read and maybe try a few of these tips we’ve learned on our journey so far. .

Herbie, our third son is neurodivergent. He was unable to see until he was 9 weeks old because he had delayed visual maturation and it was very obvious from the get got that he is an AuDHDer . His beautiful autistic brain didn’t really start to negatively impact him until he was around 11. Up until this point, his social challenges and quirky nature had always been seen as funny or just different. Secondary school has sadly changed all that.

Herbie’s school is brilliant and he has so much support from the SEN team, but being “different” in mainstream senior is tough! Throw PDA into the mix and as you can imagine, he faces daily challenges. We are IMMENSELY proud of him.

PDA, or Pathological Demand Avoidance ( we are not keen on the title) is a profile that some autistic individuals present with. In it’s simplest description, Herbie has an intense need to control situations and resists even seemingly reasonable requests. This avoidance is driven by his extreme anxiety and an absolute NEED to maintain a sense of autonomy. 

It is EXTREMELY complex and individualized!

For Herbie we have learned to…

Shift our mindset. Supporting a child with PDA is NOT being taught in any parenting class or delivered in any standard parenting or teacher training package. You are on your own and so if you are waiting for outside help to swoop in and rescue you, they wont. We learned about Herbie’s needs, did our research and shifted our way of thinking to meet them.

Recognise a lack of hierarchy. It isn’t meant to be disrespect or a disregard for authority , it’s his brain type. Herbie see everyone as equals and is extremely sensitive to justice / injustice.

Collaboration is key. If we are trying to teach while following a curriculum or support as parents, allow your child to have autonomy where ever possible, ie shift lessons/ chores around using a TA or a family member to allow for more flexibility.

Remember that silent demands are still demands. Herbie struggles with the demands that he places upon himself! This means that he can meltdown seemingly out of nowhere, but things will have been bubbling under the surface and we were unaware.

Visual resources in school and at home will need tweaking so options are available with suitable preset / pre-approved options.

Talk about the non negotiables. Safety and the Law are ours at home and in school.

Trust is key and this means that you have to lay the groundwork. Don’t say something unless you can honor it! Herbie is anxious enough, he needs to know that he’s not going to be let down by the people he trusts.

For Herbs, praise and incentives commonly don’t help in fact they can make things worse. We tell him we love him and that we are proud of him everyday but that is where the praise ends. He doesn’t like the attention that praise brings and it can often make him sad, overwhelmed or angry.

In the school day there is often a huge amount of hidden anxiety due to masking. Children with a PDA profile are often incredible maskers. This mask will often come off at home and is the main cause of his school absence. Herbs is exhausted a lot of the time.

We use humor and a bit of silliness. It seems to help reduce his anxiety. We also try to keep communication open to reduce crossed wires and we respect him when he says “I cant do this ” We NEVER say “yes you can.” If he is telling us that he cant, we respect it and reshape it to make it more manageable for him.

This PDA post will undoubtedly be the first of many on our learning journey. Each day is new and different and some days are… well, rubbish! As his Mum I am learning to support him the best way I can but it is not easy. We hope that this will help your family and schools too 🙂

WE DID IT, we are on Patreon!!!!

Honestly, if you’d have told us 5 years ago that by 2025 we would have thousands of followers, have written 5 childrens books, have gained multiple qualifications and get to work with the people like the BBC we’d have thought you were hallucinating!!!

Archie and I set out to support the neurodivergent community during the dreaded homechool period of lockdown and voila….an exciting and ever changing journey began for us and we are FOREVER GREATFUL!

THANKYOU!!!!!

Over the last half decade I have worked relentlessly and it is now starting to catch up with me. Of course “Awesome Archie” is mine and Archie’s ” baby” but in reality it’s me that’s pulling the 9-5 , 5 days a week ( for free) so that Archie can just be a kid and more widely understood 😍

The online world, particually when you share alot on open platforms can be a harsh and at times, an upsetting place. Particually when you are sharing the very intimate parts of your life just to support others. Hence our BRAND new venture – Awesome Archie SEN Support on Patreon.

Patreon is a subscription-based platform that lets professional content creators, massive businesses, and everyone in between receive direct payment for their content, products, and services. The platform was built to bridge the gap between creators and their fans, fittingly called patrons. It’s got much more popular over the years, but the mission statement still rings true — Patreon doesn’t run on ad revenue or clicks. Rather, patrons subscribe to get closer to the creators they love, while creators leverage Patreon’s paid membership and commerce tools to deliver great content and subscription packages.

But we do want to make something VERY clear. Our Non Profit work is not going anywhere. As a non profit things will remain unchanged, this is just a way of potentially carving out a financially viable business (for our when our gorgeous Archie reaches 21) who could otherwise most likely be unemployable . Latest statistics show that only 15 % of autistic adults are in full time work and only 9% are in part time and this is mostly NOT THEIR FAULT. Archie was born into a world that largely doesn’t “get him” BUT WE DO!!!!

We would LOVE you to come and join us on our new venture. There is a free tier that everyone can join but, to get the exclusives, the behind the scenes footage( working with the BBC again soon) and to hear ALL major announcements simply join as a subscription member.

For just £5 per month ( same price as a coffee!) you will receive “monthly members” free downloadable content and resources ( perfect for parents and teachers!!!) , EXCLUSIVE content, Archie’s own videos and NO ADS!! We have access to some of the most incredible industry professionals and so if you are a parent, carer, teacher , support worker or simply want to unlearn more about the awesome neurodivergent brain then Awesome Archie SEN support it the site for you!

Here is the link, please do check it out 🙂 ⬇

https://patreon.com/AwesomeArchieSENsupport?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink

Well, firstly I want to say a massive sorry for the length of time that has passed since our last blog. For those of you that follow us on our socials, you will know that it has been a rather busy time and actually fining the time and energy to put a blog together has been impossible. UNTIL NOW…WOO HOO!!

Between getting ready for Archie’s school tribunal, supporting Herbie with his PDA, being a mum to our other beautiful kids who have been sitting SATS and taking A Levels whilst trying to remain sane has been a challenge to say the very least. But, we did it. A restful, sunny half term where we literally spent the entire time in our PJ’s or lolloping in the garden is just what we all needed.

Yesterday I had a truly exhilarating start to the school term because I had the privilege of spending the day at the BBC studios in Southampton. Over the years, Archie and I have been lucky enough to be on the telly (BBC news) a couple of times and have featured on BBC radio Solent lots, but this was an altogether different task. I have been asked to be a round one judge for this years Make a difference awards and seeing it was only a couple of years ago that this award helped our advocacy journey so much, it was my honor!

The BBC Make a Difference Awards are an annual initiative that celebrates individuals and groups across the UK who have made significant positive impacts in their communities. Launched in March 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic, the awards aim to recognise those who go above and beyond to help others, often without seeking recognition. In 2025, the awards expanded to include all parts of the UK, with nominations open in England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland.

@awesomearchie_

spend the day with me at the BBC studios 😀 #BBC #makeadifferenceawards #judge #community #celebrate #awesomearchienonprofit #neurodivergent #fyp #autism #adhd #proud

♬ son original – The King of funk – The King of funk

Myself, Helena ( Yubuntu), Stuart (repair cafe) and Helen( BBC ) ( first round judges) had to whittle down the hundreds of nominations into just a shortlist of a final four per category and let me tell you, it was tough. Obviously we cant disclose any of the finalists but we can talk about the categories themselves.

Award Categories

The Volunteer Award: For individuals who make a notable difference by giving their time voluntarily to help others. This was the category Archie and I were selected for in 2023

The Young Hero Award: Recognizes someone under 16 who has made a positive impact in their community or achieved something exceptional.

The Great Neighbour Award: For individuals who help make their neighbourhood a better place to live or work, either regularly or through a single act of kindness.

The Active Award: For individuals or groups who have used physical activity or sport to improve the lives of those in their community.

The Animal Award: Recognizes either a remarkable animal that improves people’s lives or individuals/groups who improve the welfare of animals.

The Green Award: For individuals or groups who improve or conserve their local environment.

The Fundraiser Award: For individuals or groups who have gone the extra mile to raise funds for a good cause.

The Community Group Award: For groups who have helped to change the lives of others within their community.

The nominations for the 2025 awards opened on 24 February and closed on 31 March. To nominate someone, individuals had to be UK residents aged 18 or over and not affiliated with the BBC or its partners. Nominees needed to have made a difference in their community, with activities going beyond their paid work unless exceptional circumstances applied.

Winners will be announced at ceremonies hosted by BBC local and national radio stations across the UK in September. These events aim to shine a light on unsung heroes and celebrate their contributions to their communities. Thankfully as a judge I get to attend the awards without any of the pressure 🙂

For more information, visit the BBC Make a Difference Awards page.

As always, Archie and I are so grateful for the opportunities that BBC radio Solent and BBC south today have afforded us and so its truly awesome to be able to give a little something back.

Follow our socials to get daily updates and autism support 🙂 Link to them in the tabs at the top of our website 🙂

Self-care is the act of consciously taking care of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being to promote health and wellness. It’s about prioritising your needs and engaging in activities that help you feel better and live a more balanced and fulfilling life.

For me as a busy parent carer, this is simply unachievable in its ideal sense. I am not in any way able to prioritise MY needs. Since becoming a mum my entire life has had to revolve around my children because we are a neurodivergent family.

When other people talk about the key aspects of their self care like maintaining a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, exercising etc, I can’t help but feel a little jealous. Not because I would in any way change my life, I wouldn’t, but I do sometimes wonder what life would have looked like for us if we weren’t, well… US!

But then I remember, EVERYTHING we are and EVERYTHING we have is because of our amazing neurogivergent brains.

My husbands professional drive comes from his monotropism. My work here at AA stems from a passion driven by my own ADHD and an innate need to support our own autistic children and the many kids that face similar challenges. Our childrens empathy and extensive knowledge of their rights and the legislation that supports them, comes from their acute sensitivity to injustice…again, a neurodivergent thing!

That’s when I give myself a metaphorical slap and pick myself up. Comparing ourselves to others is fruitless.

However, I am only human. I get tired, I get sad, I get anxious , I get overwhelmed and I have medical support to help me, something for which I will always speak openly about.

So self care for me is not like the majority of peoples. There are no spa days or Hen weekends. There are no romantic meals out alone or lavish parties. But, we have found our own way to look after our mental health and give ourselves some self love and rest!

Disney!!!! Something about Disney has always made me so happy. We go all together and each have our own individual favourite parts. In fairness , holidays of all kinds help us as a family so if you are able…do!!! My mum used to say ” it’s better to have a full memory bank than a financial one” 🙂

Movie nights, where we sit in our lounge with a movie and eat junk food….not nutritionally sound but great for the mental health.

Letting the housework sit for a day. You can always clean up tomorrow once you’ve rested ( although often I cant rest until I’ve tidied, depends on my mood that day!).

PJ weekends, SAY NO TO INVITES AND CHILL OCCASIONALLY….beautiful!!

Have bath with netflix on your phone.

And finally, give yourself some slack. This is NOT easy. The “One day at a time” ethos has got me through some really rough patches.

@awesomearchie_

Self-Care as a parent carer. #fyp #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealth #energy #awesonearchie #neurodiversity #neurodivergency #autism #parents

♬ Sun Is Rising – ZydSounds

The SENDcast is a weekly podcast focusing on Special Educational Needs, it is an amazing way to keep up to date with all the different areas within SEN, best practices and to improve your knowledge .

It’s a go-to hub for all things SEND, offering free weekly podcasts and online CPD training. It’s aim is to help teachers, parents, and professionals to support children and young people with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities.

Created by the B Squared Team and hosted by the rather brilliant Dale Pickles, this online resource shares years of experience working with schools and has been an endless support for the work we do here at Awesome Archie.

We first met Dale at the TES SEND show back in 2023 when we spoke to him on the SENDcast exhibit stand. I introduced myself as a TES “first timer” and shared a little about the work we do . I took a photo of the stand and promised to google them when Ian and I got back to our hotel. That night that’s exactly what we did ! From that moment The SENDcast has been a weekly part of my ongoing need for CPD and has helped us grow as a team in both knowledge and confidence.

After keeping in touch and then meeting up again in London last year , I couldn’t believe my luck when Dale said that he would love to have Archie and I record our very own podcast with him. WE JUMPED AT THE CHANCE!!!!!!!

I don’t mind admitting that we were both a bit nervous at the thought of being on the very same Podcast that the “Industry greats” educated people like us!! But Archie and I had no reason to be worried. We were made so welcome by Dale and his team. We had a personal tour of the amazing B Squared office and the SENDcast studio in Camberley and Archie had all the time in the world to acclimatize to his surroundings.

Archie spoke to Dale about the daily challenges he faced as a neurodivergent child in a mainstream school that simply had no idea what to do with him. He talked about how specialist provision has “allowed” him to just be “Archie”, therefore has helped his confidence and his academic skills to grow. We are incredibly proud of him for speaking so openly and honestly. I’ll link his AWESOME podcast below, please do check it out 🙂

Awesome Archie’s Journey from Mainstream to Specialist Education with Archie Clapcott

Mine was essentially a good old natter about what being a mum, a 1:1 and an often misunderstood neurodivergent adult is like in the world of education. We touched on the immense lack of TA support ( not their fault) , the lack of funding and the many chunks of terminology that are still widely unknown ( in our personal experience).

I’ll pop the link below and we would love you to listen 🙂

Supporting Neurodiverse Students: Insights from Awesome Archie with Rebecca Clapcott

So to Dale and the team THANKYOU SO MUCH. This was a real career highlight for both Archie and I and we are truly grateful for the opportunity.

For our readers, whether TA’s, Teachers, SLT , Parents/ carers….please do listen to the SENDcast podcasts and sessions. There is a wealth of varied subjects and often answers to the many questions that you may not feel comfortable asking a colleague.

“Perfection is unachievable, but empathy is all you need to make a kids life better!” Awesome Archie

Before you read on I need to apologise, this blog post is full of pictures of me.🤣

Not because I love myself (in fact most of the time it’s quite the opposite) but because I am currently studying psychology and I am proudly on a really exciting self discovery journey.

I am going to say it….I’ve always felt like “the weird one” amongst my family and friends.

It’s a term that I own with pride actually. Our first book, Awesome Archie and Mickey the fedora wearing super-puss, states at the end ” being weird is the new cool” and both Archie and I still stand by that statement. But although I’ve always been OK being and looking ” different” I am pleased to now have the ability to get a greater understanding as to why I am like I am.

Self-discovery is an essential journey because it lays the foundation for personal growth, a feeling of fulfillment, and a more meaningful life. It can help you to identify what truly matters to you and can allow you to clarify your values and beliefs, which can then help to guide your decisions and actions moving forward.

Learning about my neurotype has encouraged me to live authentically and has allowed me to align my actions with MY true self rather than the societal expectations. Yes, this does mean that I have had to be brave and advocate for myself and my sons and yes, I have not always remained close to those that I was once close to. But I have realised that this is more a reflection on them and not us….that’s what self discovery has done.

IT HAS BEEN ( and I’m sure will continue to be ) LIFE CHANGING!

According to our research, when you get to know yourself, you can set goals that are in harmony with your passions and aspirations, which in turn increases the chances of achieving life satisfaction and maybe even professional success. Here’s hoping 😉

It can help you to communicate YOUR needs and set boundaries more effectively, while also having empathy and hopefully gaining deeper connections with others.

One of the first questions for myself was, ” why do I always change my hair colour and why do I like weird clothes?…..no joke….I googled it 🤣 It turns out that once again , it’s all to do with my awesome neurodivergent brain and my need for dopamine which I obtain through my appearance.

“Dopamine dressing” is a term that describes the practice of intentionally choosing clothing or outfits that boost your mood and evoke feelings of happiness and positivity. This concept is rooted in the idea that what we wear can influence our emotions, as dopamine is a neurotransmitter and hormone associated with pleasure and reward.

When I read it I knew… this is me. Infact, this is Archie too! Feeling good about what you’re wearing can improve your self-esteem and bright or cheerful outfits can lift your emotions. Not only that but it’s suggested that experimenting with colors, styles, and accessories can even spark your own creativity.

This makes so much sense to Archie and I. When you feel great in your outfit, you’re more likely to engage positively with others and dressing in a way that reflects YOUR personality helps you to feel confident and authentically YOU!!! This will hopefully then boost your mood naturally.

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

So we are here to encourage you to check this out for yourself. Identify colors that make you happy and experiment with mixing patterns and textures. Accessorize with items that bring you joy, like funky earrings or a fun handbag and try not to be afraid to step outside your comfort zone “fashion is a playground for self-expression.”

Dopamine dressing is essentially about using fashion as a tool to enhance your mental well-being and embrace joy in your everyday life. FUN!!!!!!!!

For us… it is the way forward 🙂

We have created a plus size – cruise addition outfit insp vid on TikTok. Check it out here if you want some ideas to get you started.

@awesomearchie_

Dopamine dressing – cruise addition. Size 20. #outfit #outfitideas #outfitinspo #doitanyway #dopamine #dopaminedressing #adhd #aurism #audhd #autismtiktok

♬ Girls Just Want to Have Fun – yourmusic4ever💯

Now , if you follow us on our socials you may be thinking…restful?? But for us, rest is different.

We are a happily, busy family. There is no “lets spend the day reading”, for us there has to be lots of activity but that still feels a whole lot less stressful than school runs, heading out to work etc.

The kids and I have spent a lot of time just being in our PJ’s. Lots of art, lots of movies and even a bit of Pickleball .

My only AA work commitment this holiday was an absolute corker. I was fortunate to be invited to J.P Morgan to talk about our autistic life. The challenges, the awesome parts and the bits we’ve learned along the way.

Having been a parent carer for 17 years, an experienced 1:1 TA and having a bank of brilliant professionals that I trust to call upon when I get stuck…. we felt ready to talk about OUR autistic experience.

I was lucky enough to present in a board room and had our presentation shared via zoom to those working from home. It felt very grown up 🙂

I would like to thank Debbie Bexon and Annabelle Underwood for setting this awesome opportunity up for us and we can’t wait to come and visit you again 🙂

• 

• 

See, that’s it…. I told you it was a quiet one. We hope that you all had a wonderful Easter, whatever you chose to do. See you next week and thanks for reading 🙂

Now before we begin I’d like to address the title of this piece. I am fully aware that many people within the neurodivergent community are not keen on terminology such as ” high functioning” which of course we respect. For me, I’m ok with it, which is also my right as a neurodivergent individual too. I used that term for this piece based solely on the fact the the knowledge learned, distilled and then shared for our readers has been greatly influenced by Dr. lalitaa Suglani’s book entitled ” High Functioning anxiety- a five step guide to calming the inner panic and thriving”. It felt wrong for me to try and rename .

Please know that Archie and I write these pieces from the heart and with nothing but love. We make NO money from the work we do and all of our hard work is on a VOLUNTEER basis purely to support others. We never mean ANY offence with our choice of terminology , especially as we are discussing our OWN beautiful brains. All of what we do and who we are is based on OUR feelings, OUR life and Our experiences.

With NHS doctors appointments getting harder to lock down and wait times growing longer and longer, it’s no wonder that so many of us are turning to websites, literature and homeopathic support outside of the elusive GP surgeries.

Now, don’t get me wrong, we are ALL for self support and education however, you really have to know where to start looking in order to get the correct support for YOU!

Unless you have vast experience in the field, it is easy to misdiagnose yourself and spend a lot of time and money looking in the wrong direction. That’s why we believe that it’s ALWAYS best to get a professional diagnosis wherever you can… it just won’t happen tomorrow. In the meantime, we hope that our content and blogs may help you learn a little more about your own brain type so you can feel as though you have more clarity when the doctor appointment finally does become available.

This recent bout of research on our part has come from a need for me to discover why my anxiety is so vastly different to our autistic son, who has a PDA profile. Surely anxiety is anxiety? You feel scared? You can’t face things? We all feel the same? NO, NO, NO!!!!

After months of studying hard I have been able to sort many of our characteristics into “where they would sit within a diagnosis” piles. This has meant that I have also been able to offer the correct support for both my son and myself. GAMECHANGING!

In this blog, we aim to share OUR experience and, hopefully, it may help you too! But please do remember… I am not a psychologist or GP so this is purely from my own personal/family experience 🙂

In our last post, we spoke about high functioning anxiety, please do check it out. I have spent hours online and have read (cover to cover) a lot of literature, including the brilliant book “High Functioning Anxiety” by Dr Lalitaa and have tried to share the bones of what I discovered. The main one being that this diagnosis didn’t seem to be a “fit” for either Herbie or I… which surprised me. We are both HUGELY anxious but our anxiety must be rooted by some other diagnosis… so I continued my research.

Roll up High Masking ADHD!!!

“High masking ADHD” is a term used to describe when individuals actively or unconsciously suppress or “mask” the outward signs of ADHD. Whether meaning to or not, they do this to fit in with societal expectations or to avoid stigma. Often this leads to emotional exhaustion and difficulty maintaining the facade over time.

I was shocked to see that this is ME!!! The “advocate”, the “shout loud and proud about neurdivergency”, the ” be proud to be you” ME!!! WTF!!!!

This is where the “unconscious suppression” bit comes into play.

I am a HUGELY PROUD neurodivergent and don’t like to believe that I would ever dull that flame, but this has made me realise… I do, more than I even recognised myself.

For example…

---

Mental Exhaustion:

I often feel drained from the constant effort to monitor and control my thoughts and actions. I go to bed HOURS before my husband and still sleep soundly and for a long time. It’s tough and exhausting having ADHD!

Difficulty Switching Gears:

I definitely struggle to transition between tasks. I am fine at home because I am in control of the whole day, but relinquishing that control and going with the flow, consumes all of my mental energy. I think most people would agree that I only have two gears… full throttle or parked 🙂

Overthinking:

I hate this one. Sadly, I analyse pretty much every interaction I have ever had. It’s grim! So grim that I wont waste any more of my time on it… bet I’ll analyse that later too!

---

It’s no wonder that life’s tough sometimes. Consistently bottling up emotions during the day can lead to meltdowns or heightened emotions in private. Just ask my amazing husband! I have no idea what I’d do without him x

So I found MY “fit” but what about Herbie?

Introducing PDA.

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is an autistic profile characterised by an extreme need to avoid everyday demands and expectations due to high levels of anxiety. Losing control puts you into fight or flight.

Key Features of PDA

Extreme Demand Avoidance:

Our son avoids tasks or expectations, even those that he would typically enjoy, as a way to manage his overwhelming anxiety. He doesn’t know he’s doing it and he doesn’t know why… it’s a natural protection mode for him!

Need for Control:

He displays a strong drive to control situations and that of those around them to reduce perceived threats to his autonomy.

Social Strategies to Avoid Demands:

He will use tactics such as distraction, excuses, negotiation, or charm to sidestep demands. This is where the hurtful comments roll in, like…”he’s spoiled”, or “you just need to say no more”… not helpful in the least!

High Levels of Anxiety:

Herbie experiences intense anxiety triggered by the expectation of meeting demands or by perceived loss of control. This is why mainstream school is so exhausting for him, and he is well supported! He really struggles with fixed routines or being told what to do, which can lead to challenges in structured environments like school .

Mood Swings and Emotional Dysregulation:

Sadly he has rapid shifts in mood, often tied to his level of perceived control or demand pressure.

Demand Avoidance Across Contexts:

We know that this is correct for Herbie as his avoidance behaviours are not situational but are present in multiple settings, including home, school, or on holiday. Its just our beautiful boys brain and, no matter how hard it gets, we will ALWAYS stand with him in support.

---

Differences Between PDA and Other Autism Profiles

I recently read…

Unlike some other autistic individuals, those with PDA may have relatively strong social communication skills, using charm, humour, or manipulation to manage interactions.

The avoidance in PDA is rooted in a need to manage anxiety and maintain control, whereas avoidance in other profiles may stem from difficulty with executive functioning or sensory overload.

---

We hope that you have found this useful and please do remember to follow us on TikTok for daily content like this 🙂

https://www.tiktok.com/@awesomearchie_

Disclaimer – The views expressed on this account are our own and do not represent the views of any employer or any affiliated organisations. We share because we care but you the reader are in control of how you choose to use the information given.

Anxiety has ALWAYS been a part of my life. I know that mine stems from my own Autistic need for control to feel secure and my ADHD’s overactive mind often makes me feel like I am not good enough.

In my field I am hugely confident, but generally speaking I am anxious about pretty much everything else. This can be debilitating at times and I don’t mind sharing that I only manage so well as I have been successfully medicated for this for the last 14 years. Again, something that people still don’t like talking about!

However, my neurodivergent brain is always encouraging me to learn, and with my favourite topic in the whole world being the brain and its incredible psychology , I am usually never more than a couple of feet away from a psychology book!

Joshua and I have just returned from a short cruise ( adult time), and during our break I devoured the most remarkable book written by Dr. Lalitaa. It is entitled: “High functioning anxiety- a five step guide to calming the inner panic and thriving.”

With having anxiety myself and loving an autistic child with a PDA profile, it never hurts me to understand a little about the way our awesome brains do what they do, and this book delivered!

I soon realised that high functioning anxiety doesn’t seem to present like mine. When I am anxious, EVERYONE knows it. I am either playing the fool to lighten the mood, short tempered because I feel “out of control”, or very emotional. People with HFA are EPIC and wearing a mask, often smiling their widest when they are feeling at their worst!

They have a huge inner critic and are often telling themselves that they aren’t good enough, even when those around them think that they are doing well!

According to the book, the fear of “not being good enough” can push those with HFA to do all they can to excel, fearing judgement of failure. This is also the reason that they are so often “people pleasers” as they believe that saying “no” will lead to rejection.

This really hit me. I feel anxious because I have to say no to so many things to guard my mental health and reduce the risk of burnout; (I rarely socialise outside of my beautiful family). But, those with HFA are so concerned by and afraid of rejection or judgement that UNABLE to say “no thanks.”

This essentially means that you are slave to everyone else, with no ability to put your own needs, and that of your own children/partner before colleagues and friends.

Interestingly a person with HFA often doesn’t need validation from their children/partner as they KNOW that they are loved and so wont be rejected. Sadly this means they are often the ones that miss out on a lot of precious family time because HFA took over! This then creates guilt and then even more anxiety!

I can’t imagine how exhausting that must be!

So we have decided that we need to help.

Over the next few weeks we will be sharing lots of hints and tips on our socials, explaining how to support yourself or your loved ones who show the many signs of living with High functioning anxiety.

Please know that you are not alone!

There are therapists, Dr’s, Physiologists, pieces of literature, online info and so much support out there if you are able to ask.

Please remember to follow us on our TikTok page for support with this.

https://www.tiktok.com/@awesomearchie_